EVOLUTION OF BPR

In search of intelligent life in a court rooms and business analysis

Posted on the July 15th, 2009 under Great Applications by Gregory Yankelovich

At the root of any great software application is a great partnership between process domain experts and talented technologists of Business Analysis persuasion. People who are willing and capable to create and pursue honest and intelligent inquiry. Unfortunately these efforts are too often reminiscent of the following quotes: 

Disorder in the American Courts

These  are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and  are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken  down and now published by court reporters that had the torment  of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking  place.
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ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS:  Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY:  Are you sexually active?
WITNESS:  No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY:  This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at  all?
WITNESS:  Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS:  I forget.
ATTORNEY:  You forget? Can you give us an example of something you  forgot?
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ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his  sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next  morning?
WITNESS:  Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is  he?
WITNESS:  He’s twenty, much like your IQ.
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ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS:  Are you kidding me?
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ATTORNEY:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August  8th?
WITNESS:  Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS:  getting laid
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ATTORNEY:  She had three children, right?
WITNESS:  Yes.
ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?
WITNESS:  None.
ATTORNEY:  Were there any girls?
W  ITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I  get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS:  By death.
ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS:  Take a guess.
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ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:  He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS:  Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
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ATTORNEY:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a  deposition notice  which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS:  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY:  Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on  deadpeople?
WITNESS:  All of them. The live ones put up too much of a  fight.
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ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go  to?
WITNESS:  Oral.
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ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS:  The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:  If not, he was by the time I finished.
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ATTORNEY:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS:  Are you qualified to ask that question?
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And  the best for last:
ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a  pulse?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you  began the autopsy?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive,  nevertheless?
WITNESS:  Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and  practicing  law